Graphic Sex
‘SOME time ago, we offered the Newspaper Society a Venn diagram entitled Mapping Nudity.
| Age shall not dress her |
It showed a series of concentric circles, intended to guide publishers to the acceptability of various sexual acts, with ”kiss” and gentle frot located on the outside, and at the core shag, bestiality and anything with Anthea Turner.
The document has yet to become newspaper policy, but the Sun minds us of it as it shows pictures of luscious Liz Hurley on its Page 3.
News is that Liz is 40 today, or phwoarty. Many happy returns to her.
And to celebrate her latest achievement in what has been a stellar career, having already taken in her 20th, 30th and 39th birthdays, to name but a few, the Sun reprints some memorable photos.
No shots of Liz eating jelly with bits of fruit in it at her eighth birthday, nor of her attending a junior disco at her thirteenth, just pictures of adult Liz showing lots of leg and some cleavage.
Its a terrific story. Its got what newspaper types like to call legs. But if this is Page 3, imagine what else lies further within the Sun.
And so we flick through the pages to soon read: RANDY PAUL IS BLOWN AWAY.
The horny toad is one Paul Danan, who is pictured beaming after spending four minutes in the Celebrity Love Island ladies loo with Playboy mo-del Nikki Zierling.
Im not telling what happened, says Paul, perhaps wisely saving his big story for when he gets out and someone will pay him for it, but she really was kind to go that far.
But while Paul gets his sympathy sex, and tells the world, via the Star, that this is heavy sh*t, that papers cover promises a secret saucy strip within.
Move over topless Danish seafood lover Malene on the Stars Page 3, were on our way into the inner parts of the Stars Ven diagram, a place where WHO BARES WINS.
Theres not one but two pairs of breasts, one pair each belonging to Big Brothers Sam and Mikosi respectively. For added oomph , there are also shots of their buttocks.
Wow! If theres this much nudity on page 11, imagine what the centre pages will show! And having reached them, were not disappointed. That is Wayne Rooney. That is Coleen McLoughlin. And those are her feet resting on his sun-shagged shoulders.
Now if we could just find the papers insert…’
Posted: 10th, June 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
