Anorak News | It’s A Stich Up!

It’s A Stich Up!

by | 13th, June 2005

‘WHAT do you do when you run out of ideas and give up any precocious dream of being original?


TV stars are routinely given chat shows. Witness Anne Robinson. And then don’t see Johnny Vegas’s 18 Stone of Idiot, a waste of talent and air.

Pop stars are given drugs. So here’s Pete Doherty in the Star being “predictably shambolic” as he holds a microphone on stage.

And here he is again in the Sun, getting booted off a boat he was sailing on with girlfriend Kate Moss because staff said he was smoking drugs.

And he’s not alone. Because even the mighty have to dabble with a drugs story sooner or later.

Of course, what with this being Kerry Katona, we first have to look at her boobs, which she helpfully pushes out for our inspection in the Sun.

But Kerry’s new 32FF breasts have failed to keep up with her hectic schedule of pushing and thrusting, and she now fears they’ve slipped or the stitches have split.

This sounds painful. And it can only get more so as Kerry realises that having exhausted all conversation about her breasts as a working unit, she can now talk about their constituent parts. This week it’s stitches. Next week it’s the bags. Then the cell structure. And so on.

But that for later, because the Star says on it front page how Kerry’s been “BETRAYED”.

The story goes that “furious” Kerry is feeling “hurt” and “betrayed” at what she calls the “pack of lies” told by one Joanne Goodier.

Goodier, a woman Kerry “treated as a sister”, has gone on the record to say that Kerry has taken drugs. “I spoke out because she hurt me so much,” says she.

There’s more inside the paper, where Kerry sticks out her tongue for our entertainment, and a drug tester’s swab. And we learn that Kerry hurt Goodier when the latter crashed the former’s car and refused to pay for the damage.

That meant war. And sparked Goodier to tell the papers that her former best mate turned to drugs after her split from husband Brian McPadding.

But Kerry promises to fight on. She vows to sue her accuser. She won’t go to pieces – even if she is falling apart at the seams.

So she’ll go to court. And then, as is the way with such things, she’ll go to Anne Robinson, Johnny Vegas and anyone else with a soft chair and a stalled showbiz career…’

Posted: 13th, June 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink