Anorak News | Zo Long

Zo Long

by | 17th, June 2005

‘AS one Slater returns another leaves – like the Royal family it seems there’s an unwritten rule that says the whole dysfunctional clan can’t ever be in the same place at the same time.

‘Does me face look big in this?’

Kat returned as if her six months on the run had been a mere trip to get the papers. And she’s outraged to find that Alfie doesn’t want her back. She’ll be even more outraged if she discovers that her husband and her sister nearly got it on.

Little Mo and Alfie have decided that their love can ‘never be’ – indeed a more unlikely storyline it’s hard to imagine, even by EastEnders absurd standards. Kat is determined to win back her husband and she’s bizarrely decided that dying her hair bright orange to match her face is the way to do it.

Kat’s daughter Zoe decided to leave the Square this week – not out of shock at her mother’s transformation into Ronald McDonald, but because she can’t “bare livin’ a lie anymore”. Zoe has finally discovered that it wasn’t she who killed Den but Chrissie. “I should go to the police,” Zoe spat at Chrissie after she’d given her a massive smack in the chops.

For a brunette, Zoe really is very blonde; it seems to have escaped her attention that although she may not have actually delivered the fatal blow, she was still responsible for pummelling Den’s head in with a door step – not to mention the fact that she aided in a murder.

Zoe’s decided she needs to leave Walford before she blabs to her mum. And where does an East End girl go in times of stress? Why, to “Ibeefa”, naturally. Zoe’s decided to join Kelly on the Spanish island – which will probably translate into a bit part in ‘The Bill’ then years of panto.

There are rumours that Johnny Allen is set to leave Walford soon, too. And with the storylines he’s been getting recently, who can blame him? Johnny was originally brought in to be the hardest, most violent criminal the East End had ever seen. This week, his biggest storyline involved him looking at baby pictures with Dot and buying Jim a new sofa.

Johnny has now had some sort of ‘road to Damascus’ experience and has decided to go straight. “I can’t go on like this any more,” he told his girlfriend, Tina. Indeed, you can’t, love.’

Posted: 17th, June 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink