Anorak News | Does Not Commute

Does Not Commute

by | 21st, June 2005

‘WHY or why oh why do people insist on cramming themselves into hot metal carriages for hours on end every single day?

Commuting is a great way to meet new people

If the Government really wants to improve public health it should put an end to this sorry form of self-abuse quick smart. Forget smoking, it’s commuting that really kills.

And do not doubt, dear traveller, that is it anything other than your fault that you are being squashed like a ripe tomato, as your head turns red in the heat and the woman behind’s umbrella checks your prostate.

As the Times says on its front page, passengers on the busiest trains will be treated to the swanky new “rail peak pricing”, a plan championed by the Association of Train Operating Companies.

In a bid to put an end to overcrowding, the rail companies will charge you more to use their trains at the busiest times of day.

Electronic smart cards will allow train operators to charge different prices for each train, replacing the current system of charging one rate for peak travel and another for off-peak.

It is nothing short of genius. But stupid, cattle-brained passengers will have to get their thinking caps on if they are to make sense of a new complex system of pricing.

This should at least give us all something to read as the train trundles along the track, stops, trundles on a bit more, stops and is then overtaken by an engineer walking along the neighbouring line with a shovel over his shoulder.

But not everyone sees this as progress. And Luddites, such is their way, want to complain and smash up the future.

“We are opposed to pricing people off trains,” says a spokeswoman for the Rail Passengers Council. “The way to attract passengers to less-crowded trains is to offer better off-peak discounts rather than target a captive audience.”

Or to put on new trains with more seats. Or to stick another carriage on the end of the busiest services. Or to put on more trains.

Or to work out why so many idiots want to get on a train every morning and then repeat the process, albeit in reverse, during the late afternoon.

Why they do it beyond us. And you might like to try and puzzle it out while sat at your desks – working…’

Posted: 21st, June 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink