Anorak News | Faking The Michael

Faking The Michael

by | 23rd, June 2005

‘IT is a rare event, but we can exclusively reveal that not every footballer likes to feather his already over-padded Mock Tudor nest with money earned from the sale of the rights to his wedding photos.

As if by magic, Louise disappeared from view

This is clearly a case of the world gone mad. And you’d be well within your rights to dash outside and check which way is up.

But doubtless gripped by our revelation, you have not dared move, and it’s up to us to say the sun IS in the sky, God IS in Madrid and Michael Owen IS marrying his childhood sweetheart, Louise Bonsall.

What d’yer mean you’ve never heard of her? She’s only the girlfriend of football’s golden goalscorer, the spearhead of England’s World Cup bids past and future.

Granted, she is hard to spot in the players’ wives pen. What with Victoria Beckham’s oversized baseball hats and massive sunglasses, it’s hard to spot anything else. But we can assure you that she’s there alright.

And now she’s marrying her man. And no, you’re not invited.

Michael and his beloved have “kept quiet” about their marriage, (ie they’ve not contacted OK!) and have gone as far as to book two different venues in a bid to stave off prying eyes.

But they can’t avoid speculating non-guests called OK!. And it’s up to the magazine that can to imagine what the wedding will be like.

It might feature the likes of Victoria and David Beckham. If it does, keeping it a secret may be harder than dear Miss Bonsall could ever imagine, as Vicky straddles a unicorn and rides around the place pouting.

The do might also have cost around £500,000. And it’s “believed” the guests will enjoy a “tasty spread”, quaff the “finest champagne” and “dance the night away”.

Sounds just great. And it can only be topped by actually being there…’

Posted: 23rd, June 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink