Anorak News | Giving Him One

Giving Him One

by | 29th, June 2005

‘IF only Prince Harry had been born with a pair of trophy ears and covered in leaves there would have been no rumours about his parentage.

He’s his father’s son

But as soon as we heard that Diana had been having an affair with Army office James Hewitt, and then saw a picture of the flame-haired cad, we began to doubt.

And so too did what the Sun terms “senior Royals”, who, as the paper notes in today’s front-page extracts from a yet another new book on the Princess’s life, made Harry take a DNA test.

The book’s author, Simone Simmons, says she was shown a letter that demanded that Harry spill his blood to prove his worth.

And, as the Sun says, the blood is “thought” to have confirmed that Charles is Harry’s dad. And that, for reasons best left for another book, William was also tested. Same result.

At least now this tawdry tale can be put to bed. Although not to bed with Diana, who, as the story goes, gave all her men a score out of ten for their performances in her private quarters.

Earlier in the week, we learnt that JFK Junior scored a magnificent 10 out of 10 for services to the crown. That’s a good score, but surely even he could have gone the extra mile and given it 110% of his effort.

But, even so, Kennedy tops Diana’s league table of lovers, the points system for which is complicated but thought to be based on three points for a mutually satisfying score draw, two points for saying something nice about her hair and one point for every disparaging remark made about Charles.

As such, Hewitt scores a commendable but slightly disappointing 9 out of 10. Oliver Hoare holds his own and the bronze medal position with an above average 6.

And in last place – although this is by no means a definitive list – is Charles, barely making it back to the stables on a pathetic and tired 1 point.

Let’s just hope his sons have inherited their mother’s sex drive and skills, as well as her looks…’

Posted: 29th, June 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink