Anorak News | Old Spices

Old Spices

by | 12th, July 2005

‘NINE years ago, all Posh, Geri, Baby, Scary and Sporty wanted was to party with their mates and zigazig ah.

No Spice Girl is an island

Now, they want to make a comeback record or two and thereby create interest in a greatest hits album and reclaim their rightful place as the world’s most hyped and least talented band.

But first, as the Sun explains, the girls need some new names. If you looked into a pram and saw Emma Bunton staring back at you, you’d run screaming to the nearest secure unit. So, she’s no longer Baby, she’s “Aren’t You A Bit Old For That Spice”.

And so it goes on. Posh is “Too Posh To Push Spice”, Scary, still scary, is “Skint Spice”, yo-yo weight watcher Geri Halliwell is “Binger Spice” and the screaming Sporty is “The One It Turned Out Could Sing (A Bit) Spice”.

And they’re all set to reunite for a couple of new singles released next year to mark a decade since their debut single Wannabe shot to No.1 in the charts.

But they will not appear together. The Suns says that after a series of “bust ups”, the fivesome are each recording bits of the songs in different parts of he world.

As a source says: “The girls are in different countries and couldn’t agree on a place to meet. There’s tension.”

And since tension is no good for the vocals, we dread to think of what affect the rift will have on the girls’ performances.

But producers Stannard and Rowe will gather in the bits of songs, the the odd right note, the many thong-clad bum ones, and “stitch the vocals together” into a song Frankenstein would have been proud to call his own.

And will make us wonder what it was we ever saw in the act…

Paul Sorene’

Posted: 12th, July 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink