Anorak News | Slap Happy

Slap Happy

by | 25th, July 2005

‘CHARLES Clarke will not be red faced while Britain copes with a security crisis. As the Mail explains, the Home Secretary has “caved into growing pressure” and decided to cancel his holiday to sunnier climes.

Too much concealer

Speaking of his wife Carol and their two sons, Clarke says: “We have a long-planned family holiday. I very much value my family holidays but I have decided to postpone my own departure on that holiday until I have looked at the situation in more detail and decided what is the best thing to do.”

But as a few days of Clarke’s summer getaway become the latest victims of the war on terror, the man may begin to worry.

The fear is that family man Clarke will look out of kilter with the rest of his brood when he finally joins them in Faliraki, or wherever they’ve told him they’re going this year.

Lying by the pool, Clarke, a retina-scarring vision of expansive white skin and Westminster grey complexion, will clash horribly with his family’s deliciously tanned bodies.

The new Labour project loves a united family, and in clashing with them, Clarke will not do his career any favours.

But help is at hand. Clarke can ready himself for the trip by asking to borrow some of the self-tanning creams Tony Blair appears to spread liberally all over his face.

As the paper says, the Prime Minister has spent nearly £1,800 of taxpayers’ money on make-up over the past six years. The annual expenditure on the PM’s cosmetics has risen from £43.80 in 1999 to £340.02 a year later.

If this sounds a lot, it appears more so when the Mail reports that “TAN-TASTIC TONY” spends more per year on make-up than the typical British woman, who gets by on £195 a year.

And it’s not hard to see the effect the slap has had on Tony’s face. While in 2001, he looked gaunt and pale, he has by 2005 mutated into a talking orange.

His face appears as a mask of bronzing powder, oil and lotion. And more concealer than is thought decent…’

Posted: 25th, July 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink