Anorak News | Eyes Down

Eyes Down

by | 25th, July 2005

‘SHELLY’S back at The Rovers after her operation which, unfortunately for her and the long-suffering viewing public, didn’t include brain surgery. Bev saw her daughter staggering back into the pub wearing dark glasses and as usual put two and two together and came up with five.

Shelly’s future is not so bright

She marched into The Rovers and accused Charlie of beating up her daughter. “Why would a woman be wearing dark glasses inside unless she has something to hide?” Bev screamed at Charlie. “Yer a monster!” Shelly marched her mother upstairs and showed Bev the hospital bill for her eye lift. “Oh Shell love,” whispered Bev, “what’s he done to yer?”

Bev’s latest plan to get Shelly to leave Charlie involved her breaking into his office and stealing some of his customers’ details. She then proceeded to down a bottle of vodka before calling them up at random and telling them that Charlie was either cheating them out of money or sleeping with their wives. As cunnings plans go, it’s hardly up their with the Brinks Mat robbery. Especially as one of the customers she phoned went straight round to tell Charlie that some “mad drunk woman,” had called to say that Charlie had been sleeping with his wife. “Which would ‘ave taken a miracle as she’s been dead seven years.”

Shelly’s other champion, Ciaran, has washed his hands of her after yet another run in with Charlie. “Come away with me now Shel’ or it’s goodbye forever,” he pleaded with her. But of course the loon isn’t going anywhere – at least until producers have milked this tedious storyline for as long as they can.

As one relationship withers it looks like another might be starting. The only gay in Weathefield, Sean, might have finally found true love – in the shape of vet Tim. Sean’s taken to acting like the Street’s Doctor Doolitte, rounding up residents’ pets and volunteering to take them to the vet’s so that he can flirt with Tim.

The jury’s still out on quite what Tim makes of Sean, although he has agreed to join him for a walk with Sean’s imaginary dog, “Britney Marie”. Although as we all know, it’s another sort of dogging entirely that our Sean’s interested in.

On the subject of dogs, it seems that everyone’s favourite idiot, Kirk, is about to become the owner of his own business when his and Maria’s parents announce that they’re moving to Cyprus and leaving their dog kennelling business to Kirk and Maria to run. “I’ve spent years tryin’ to better myself,” sneered Maria, “I’m not about to go back to washing poodles for a living.” Indeed, she’s got enough on her plate trying to housetrain Tyrone.

The fur is really set to fly though when Maria and Kirk’s parents decided to leave the whole business just to Kirk, and Fizz moves in with him to help run the business.

Which is funny – it’s usually Kirk and Tyrone who are fighting over dogs.’

Posted: 25th, July 2005 | In: Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink