Anorak News | Breast Of British

Breast Of British

by | 8th, August 2005

‘THE week began with some joyous news. “Seven months ago I was a nobody,” said Keeley, 18. “My life has been transformed by the Sun. People now recognise me in the street.”

The pneumatic Keeley had won the Sun’s Page 3 Idol competition. Keeley had achieved a fame that will see her recognised and hooted in the street by men in white vans, leered at by cabbies and lusted over by pubescent boys not yet brave enough to buy the Sport.

But Keeley was not the only woman in the public eye. Over in the Mirror, Julie from Suffolk had spotted David Beckham emerging from a London eatery with his wife is tow.

For all women who want to get close to Day-vid but are shy of masturbating a pig or screeching about Girl Power!, Julie gave a master class – throw your left arm around Day-vid’s neck and have him in a grip he cannot get out of.

On Tuesday, the news was still that women with large breasts are, er, newsworthy. “Kinky” Kinga Karolczak, Big Brother’s buxom new inmate, marked her arrival in the house in time-honoured fashion by whipping out her 44FF breasts for the Star.

And busty Anorak favourite Kerry Katona showed that you can’t keep a good woman down – at least not one with such excellent buoyancy aids – by signing a £500,000 deal to launch a new internet bingo game.

And so it went on. And on Wednesday the country’s men were being asked to debate the hottest of hot potatoes: do you go topless on the beach this summer or not?

This is no problem for men. Males have been proudly showing off their man boobs ever since that day in 1924 when Giorgio Speedo took a pair of his mother’s scissors to his swimming suit, borrowed a pair of socks and set hearts a flutter in his home town of St Leonards-on-Sea.

But for women, the advent of the mobile phone camera has added a new dimension to the debate – with the Star claiming that scores of the nation’s bikini beauties are now keeping their boobs under wraps for fear of being snapped topless.

And so it asked its readers to vote on whether women should sunbathe topless this summer.

As the Star readership comprises exactly the sort of mobile phone camera pests the paper is talking about, this poll appeared to be more stacked than Jordan.

But as the debate raged, the bureaucrats at the European Union saw a danger in woman baring any flesh to the merciless, lecherous sun. The Telegraph reported that the bods in Brussels had issued something called an Optical Radiation Directive – or “tan ban” for short.

And this meant that employers of staff who work outdoors must ensure that they cover up against the risk of sunburn.

We were aghast. Such was the power of the directive that it was hard to take in the wobbling, full-chested enormity of the Star’s poll – 87% of the paper’s readers had voted for brave British beach babes to defy the mobile camera pests and “CARRY ON TOPLESS”!

And on Friday we the outraged were invited to join the Sun’s “SAVE OUR JUGS” campaign. The paper heard from the likes of blonde Louise (34D) (“They can’t make people cover up. It’s how we get tips. If I covered up I’d be skint”).

And from Tash, a 30E, who put things in a global perspective when she said: “With all that is going on at the moment, I don’t think this issue should be foremost in their minds.”

Which it wouldn’t be if the girls just covered up…’

Posted: 8th, August 2005 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink