John (No) Bull

‘THOUGH it is petty and foolhardy to contest the Sun’s claim that it forced Omar Bakri to flee the country (see Tabs), the Times has a story that suggests its sister paper was not unaided in its campaign.

‘We’ll have no egg terrorists nor any other sort of terrorists on my watch!’

It’s that strange, scary and unsettling time of year when the country is being run not by Tony and Cherie Blair but by one John Prescott, the Deputy Prime Minister.

This is, as the Times leader says, the annual “Oh-my-God-is-John-Prescott-in-charge?” moment, the time when Tony takes three weeks off on a freebie in someone’s villa and leaves ‘Two Jabs’ in charge.

And so it is that Barki has chosen this moment to flee. And the weather has decided to improve. And England’s cricketers have just won an Ashes Test match against the mighty Australians.

Might it just be that we are better off with Prezza in charge? We are a safer, sunnier and sportier country with the old sea dog at the helm?

The Times asks just this question, and to help its readers decide, it lists the key events of all the summers since 1997 when Prezza has been left home alone.

And looking through the list, we notice that on Prezza’s watch there have been NO nuclear war, NO earthquakes, NO plagues of locusts and absolutely NO invasion by enemy forces.

Prezza is indeed the man. And to prove how in control he is, the Telegraph looked on as he invited an Asian family (soon to be known as Asian–British) to your No 10, with Prezza acting as their guide.

Billed as an “impromptu visit”, the paper says Prescott noticed Pinakin Patel, his lovely wife Premila and their three children walking down Whitehall.

Hand nonchalantly stuffed in a trouser pocket, Prezza swaggered over and asked them if they’d like to look round the place he calls home for a small part of the season.

A quick security check and the Patels were within the corridors of power. Prezza showed them the Cabinet Room, the White Room and the Grand Staircase, which features portraits of all former prime ministers.

And then the tour was over. The Patels went home to Harrow. And Prezza ticked off another day on his wall chart. Not long left until Tony’s back. Not long left for the sun to shine…’

Posted: 9th, August 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink