Anorak News | Phony War

Phony War

by | 22nd, August 2005

‘IF sex is the breakfast of champions, as motor racing legend James Hunt was wont to put it, has Sven Goran Eriksson been buttering both sides of his morning toast?

‘Now I am putting a yellow cup on the top rack…’

The Sun has it that the cheating England football manager has been having secret phone chats with former mistress Faria Alam.

Given the speed of Sven’s oratory, we imagine him to be a slow and deliberate lover on the phone. Questions like “What are you wearing, Sven” will be met with a long pause, then the sound of rustling fabric before the telling answer: “My top is 70 per cent nylon with some viscose…shorts are a polyester-cotton blend and my glasses are made of tortoise shell and glass.”

“Oh, Sven! You’re really turning on me on,” says Alam. Sven then send Alam into raptures by easing open the dishwasher door and telling her how dirty the plates are

Alam says that their conversations have been occurring “two or three times a week” and that he’s even been trying to speak to her in person.

A friend of hers claims: “Sven called her up from his hotel room and a football stadium to fix a meeting, it was him who wanted to meet her and he chose the date and the venue – May 29 at a hotel in Manhattan.”

But the meeting never happened. The source says that Sven called it off, afraid the Press would get wind of it.

But somehow (any ideas how?) the news reached the papers and then the ears of Sven’s lover, Nancy Dell’Olio.

Described as “furious” and “seething” in the Sun, the paper looked on as Nancy cut short a holiday in Italy to have it out with her wayward Swede.

“She was in a very bad mood,” says a passenger on Nancy’s flights to the sun. “At one point a guy asked her for her autograph and she barked back at him saying, ‘I’m not in the mood for that today’.”

Fired up, she returned to the London home she and Sven share and waited for his return. A friend of hers tells the Mail that when he did, Nancy and Sven had a “serious row” and that Nancy was “spitting blood”.

But Sven took out his magic sponge, cooled his strike partner’s ardour and reassured her that the story was untrue. She believed him, and later, as the Sun says, she told reporters huddled outside their home: “We’re not going out. We’re having dinner now.”

And then maybe some breakfast…’

Posted: 22nd, August 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink