Keeping Up With The Joneses

‘WITH readers’ minds whirring as to the whys, wherefores and whatnots of troubled Sienna Miller’s wounds, the Sun leads with the biggest mystery in modern Times: how does Sven Goran Eriksson pull?

Alas Jones and Jones

And when you start considering that, you are instantly faced with another question: why did Sven check into a hotel near Watford, Herts, under the name Mr Eric Jones?

This is, as the paper’s front page says it is: “New England boss sensation.” And instantly we start to wonder who the real England manager is.

Could it be that Sven, the dull, dry, whispering anodyne man in the unmemorable suit, is actually something far less exotic? Has Eric realised that a Swede called Sven can get away with far more than a British manager. Is Sven a creation?

Surprisingly, the Sun overlooks this possibility, preferring to say that Mr Jones and Mrs Jones, aka Nancy Dell’Olio, stayed at the hotel as part of a “crisis summit”.

But it does then go into no small detail about the rest of their day. Like a copper on the beat, the Sun supplies the evidence for you the jury to deliberate over and deliver your verdict on.

We learn that having been escorted to their “superior mansion king”, they remained in said room for two hours, emerging for lunch at 2pm.

Sven, who had arrived wearing a business suit, left the room sporting a navy and white hooped rugby shirt. Nancy, who’d been in a white top and black trousers, was now clad in a green tracksuit.

They then sat in a golf buggy to be driven by staff (unnamed) to the hotel’s restaurant a quarter-mile away.

There, they sat outside. Nancy ordered two £30 salad lunches. Sven drank a smoothie.

One hour later, they were driven back to the hotel’s reception area. And there the trail goes cold. (Perhaps the Sun’s man on the spot went for a leak?)

Which leaves us to guess what occurred next? Did they return to their room? Did Sven leave his Cuban heels for cleaning outside? Is Nancy looking for a transfer?

Or are Mr And Mrs Jones forever tied together, united in subterfuge and plot?’

Posted: 24th, August 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink