Anorak News | One Wedding & A Funeral

One Wedding & A Funeral

by | 31st, August 2005

‘SHARON and Dennis were married this week and the whole of Walford turned up to the party – well it’s not every day you get to see someone marry their brother. “I just know Den’s gonna turn up to spoil it,” growled Dennis prophetically to his best man Jim as they got ready to go to the registry office.


Dennis had bizarrely chosen grandfather and former racist Jim as his best man but, then, what sort of judgement can you expect from a man who’s marrying a tangerine version of Miss Piggy? No wonder he’s leaving The Square in the autumn – how much suffering can one man take?

As Sharon was getting ready, Chrissie presented her with a pair of diamond earrings Den had given her on their honeymoon. “Now you can feel that he’s close by,” Chrissie told her – not adding that if she really wanted to feel close to her dad, all Sharon had to do was nip down to the cellar.

Chrissie had decided to flee Walford for Argentina (randomly) and had her bags packed and ticket booked, hoping to slip away quietly during the wedding reception. Unfortunately for Chrissie, she hadn’t counted on Sam Mitchell, who had finally snapped after living with the knowledge that she was a murderer for six months and more importantly – had got nothing out of it.

While the whole Square was at the wedding, Sam slipped into The Vic with a pickaxe and started hacking at Den’s concrete grave, vomiting when she finally uncovered his stinking, hideous face – a common reaction to Den even while he was alive.

Barmaid Tracy finally got a speaking part in EastEnders instead of just polishing the glasses behind the bar when she called 999 and uttered the word: “police.” And while Sharon and Dennis held their traditional East End wedding street party (traditional in the minds of middle class scriptwriters) the forensics squad rushed into The Vic and Sam was carted off to Walford nick.

“Gotcha!” mouthed Sam to Chrissie from the back of a police car – seemingly oblivious to the fact that although Chrissie was the one to actually kill Den, helping to bury a body is still a pretty serious offence. But Sam’s never been the brightest penny in the box: in just over a year she’s managed to give away three businesses and now works in a chip shop.

Sam called Kat up from the police station to assure her that Zoe would be kept out of it – “it’s Chrissie I wanna bring down.”

The police questioned the residents of Walford in order to build up a picture of Sam. “She was furious with Den for cheatin’ ‘er out of the Vic,” Pat told officers. “She’d never let anyone else near the cellar,” Keith added for good measure. Chrissie did her bit to convict Sam by going round to her house and hiding Den’s mobile phone and papers for The Vic so by the end of the week, Sam had been formally charged with Den’s murder.

Chrissie’s not in the clear yet though – Peggy Mitchell is about to wade back into Walford to save her idiot daughter from a life sentence like some sort of ageing Terminator in a bad wig. And son Phil is also set to return – providing he can find car parking facilities nearby.’

Posted: 31st, August 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink