Hen’s Teeth!

‘YOU’LL have to hang on a moment. It’s Jordan’s hen night and we’ve got to make sure things are all in place. Bear with us while we go through the check list, with the assistance of Michelle Heaton.

‘Michelle’

L-plates? “Check!” Inflatable rubber doll? “Check!” No, not Jordan, the one with the realistic looking breasts. “Oh. Yep! Check!” Massive vibrating phallus? “Check!” Michelle Heaton. “Umm… Oh, yeah. Check!”

Ok! Thanks for waiting. We don’t want Jordan’s last night of freedom to be anything less than perfect, and in keeping with her career to date.

But what’s this? No sooner have the latex nuns’ habits arrived and we’ve strapped on a rabbit’s tail than Jordan tells us she wants a quiet one. The only thing that can stay is Heaton.

So while we sit this one out in the company of Pump Me Paula and the last word in vari-speed cocktail shakers, Jordan, Heaton and the gang trundle off for a day’s pampering and relaxing at a health farm.

“I had a great day,” says Jordan to OK!, “we had lots of pampering and lots of fun but unfortunately not all my friends could make it.” (She’s telling us!)

The eight that did make it include Jordan, Jordan’s mum Amy, Jordan’s aunt Lorraine, Jordan’s sister Sophie, Jordan’s friend Michelle Platt, Jordan’s other friends Anna and Louise and Michelle Heaton.

All are identifiable by their T-shirts on which their names appear printed in silver across the lower back. And they’ve all got great nails, thanks to the hen party manicures and pedicures.

Which is nice. But it’s still not a good night out with the girls? How’s about it? Jordan likes the idea but doesn’t think she’s got the time.

So what about a debauched night in with a stripper? “Do you know what?” says Jordan. Er, no. What? “I’ve got a man with the best body in the world…my mum says she would, though!”

That’s just lovely. But what are we supposed to do with all this hen night stuff? But not to worry, it looks like Jordan’s well on top of things.

She says Peter’s suit is out of the ordinary. “You definitely won’t have seen what he’s wearing before.”

Well, not on a man. And not with the speed turned up that high…’

Posted: 2nd, September 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink