Anorak News | P Is For President

P Is For President

by | 16th, September 2005

‘IS the pen mightier than the sword? Not if you’re President George Bush – were he to be forced to fight with his literary wit, he’d be no more able to launch an offensive on a kindergarten than he would a foreign land.

‘Bread, eggs, Iraq, lemons…’

Today we are offered an insight into the mind of the leader of the free world as the Times spots him first writing a note at the United Nations Security Council then handing it to Condoleezza Rice, his dutiful Secretary of State.

Having given his speech on terror (“It’s real bad”), Bush sat back and waited for Tony Blair to deliver his address. Bush waited patiently and politely while Blair took the assembled dignitaries through his customary oratory (“I say to you…”; “What you must understand…”; “Whatever you say, Cherie?”). And then he pounced.

Just before President Kerekou of Benin was about to speak, Bush handed Rice the note he had written on his own, albeit in non-joined up letters. Snapped by a watchful photographer, the missive reads: “I THINK I MAY NEED A BATHROOM BREAK? IS THIS POSSIBLE?”

Rice consulted the diplomatic handbook. She realised that the sight of the President walking out just as Benin’s leader was about to speak could constitute a declaration of war on the African land. She thought. And then she slipped the President a penny and gave him the nod he longed for.

Bush rose. The President’s Secret Service bodyguard surveyed the scene and evaluated the risk (“No, windows, two stalls, one way in, one way out”; soft paper; no weapons of mass destruction) and Bush was good to go.

As Bush knows, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. And we remind our British readers that the “bathroom” is an American nicety for the toilet, unless, of course, Bush fancied luxuriating in some bath oils or getting to a mirror to check if his head is on straight.

But what went on inside the “bathroom” during this “comfort break” is not known. A man stood sentinel outside barring entry.

Which leads us to wonder if the President’s note could have been a coded message of some kind? Indeed, if you arrange the letters, take some out, add some others, it reads: “Dear Santa, can I have the middle East. Thank you. George. PS. This year, I’m gonna wait up all night to see you…”’

Posted: 16th, September 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink