Anorak News | Laying Down The Law

Laying Down The Law

by | 21st, September 2005

‘ARE the papers now officially part of Kate Moss’s famous Moss’s Posse?

‘What nanny?’

Showbiz news used to be about tales of drunken soap stars and pregnant Spice Girls – now all we get are stories of Kate, Sadie, Pete, Jude et al.

We want more, but the feeling is that we are getting less. Just look at the Sun’s picture of Jude Law dressed in a pork pie hat. It’s a hat of the same type as that favoured by the tiresome Pete Doherty, a happening that leads the Sun to ask: “Is Jude turning into Pete?”

Law’s already turned into a cheating love rat, so how bad would it be to mutate into a drug-addled singer? Better still if Jude’s current flame, Sienna Miller, could cut her hair short and become the new face of H&M. And then sleep with Sadie Frost.

That for later, because right now the Mail says Miller has other plans for she and her man. It seems that Miller only consented to take Law back if he agreed to meet a set of “stringent conditions”.

In other places beyond London’s Primrose Hill, where Moss and her gang hang out, Miller could be accused of being some kind of mad harridan of a woman, Andy Capp’s wife made flesh and bo-ho chic.

But in that enclave of north London, Miller’s desperately cool, and in no way insecure, needy or sad.

And should any woman want to be like Miller – and who does not? – the Mail produces “THE RULES OF ENGAGEMENT”, a handy cut-out-and-keep reminder of what your wayward lover should be like.

1. If Law is unfaithful again, she will leave him. (Although it says nothing about her coming back again.)

2. He should stop spending time with his ex-wife Sadie and her “louche” set of friends (see Moss).

3. He should make her fall in love with him all over again. (So, she’s not in love with him now?)

4. “He must learn to control his temper.”

5. “He must let her make her own career decisions.”

6. He should not stop her seeing her friends.”

And that’s it. No mention of her choosing the help at home. Aside from making him list every person he’s ever slept with, those are the Miller demands in full.

He agreed to them. And she is now giddy with happiness. The pair are united and planning to take a romantic break together. Although there could be trouble in paradise.

Who makes the decision on where they should holiday? Should Law take two bottles into the shower? What is the couple’s line on the war in Iraq?

These are things Miller should have got in writing while she had the chance. Without them, we fear a rocky road ahead…’

Posted: 21st, September 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink