Anorak News | The Last Straw

The Last Straw

by | 22nd, September 2005

‘PEOPLE of a certain vintage may recall the advertising campaign for the Unigate dairy which warned milk lovers to “Watch out…Watch out there’s a Humphrey about”.

Getting the Humphrey

It was based on an army of red and white striped straws that turned up when you weren’t looking and stole your milk.

We mention it because the Mail leads with the news that “disgraced model” “COCAINE” Kate Moss has been ditched by Chanel and Burberry. And if Kate is looking to keep her career alive and model something, such is her association with cocaine – which, our sources tell us, can be snorted as easily up a straw as it can through a rolled up fiver – a Humphrey could be the way to go.

Granted, it’s a convoluted link, but until cocaine becomes legal and the Columbian cartels need a nice photogenic face to sell the product to the masses, a Humphrey could be Moss’s one and only option.

And the Mail is doing its utmost to bolster Kate’s credentials for the job, talking about her on its front page and inside treating readers to a double-page spread headed “KATE’S WEB”.

Kate’s got all the right contacts. She knows just about everyone. A graphic show’s Kate stood in the middle of her web with white lines linking her to just about every celebrity on planet Earth, bar Cliff Richard and Noel Edmonds.

If Moss can persuade the likes of ex-lover Johnny Depp and friends Stella McCartney and Primal Scream frontman Bobby Gillespie to be seen about town with a Humphrey, the campaign can really take off.

But Kate will not be given a clear run at the Humphrey contract. Not if the Mail’s other two-page spread on the story can be believed.

“THE GREAT FASHION WEEK COCAINE BINGE,” tells readers that there are “shocking levels” of cocaine abuse within the fashion industry. It seems that Moss is not the only fashionista who likes to power both the inside and outside of her nose.

It’s London Fashion Week and the Mail has taken its drug testing kit to six parties. At dos for, among others, Patrick Cox, Alexander McQueen and Versace, the Mail’s reporter with a swab found traces of cocaine in the male and female lavatories.

The paper also looked on and saw a “procession of men and women” entering the lavatories in pairs and emerging “giggling, red-eyed and sniffing”.

And that’s not all. The Sun pops along to three shows at London Fashion Week and finds traces of cocaine in toilets used by “top models and designers”.

These findings, says the Sun, “explode the myth that the drug is not widespread in the fashion world”.

Which suggests that far from being an isolated case, the Sun’s fashion editor is right when she says “sad Moss is just one of many models on drugs”.

And that means Moss’s career-saving Humphrey contract is not yet in the little white bag…’

Posted: 22nd, September 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink