Anorak News | Skirting The Famous

Skirting The Famous

by | 30th, September 2005

‘WE’LL shout out a few names and you see if you can guess which of them are actually interviewed by Hello!, and not just ogled at from afar.

Fiona in that skirt

TV newsreader Fiona Armstrong. Prince William’s squeeze Kate Middleton. Former Brookside actress Sunetra Sarker. Cameron Diaz. Coronation Street actress Wendi Peters. And Gary Webster, the actor who gave TV’s Minder series more shark jump moments than Jacques Cousteau on a pogo stick.

Well done you who realised the pattern of our little pop quiz and saw that Hello! has interviewed every other one of the stars we’ve just listed. And no, the order does not begin with Middleton; it starts with Armstrong.

Hello! seems to have lost its way of late. It keeps bumping into people at parties that don’t seem to want to speak to it. The photos are taken, but the one-on-ones are not forthcoming.

Take the front cover, which has shots of Kate Moss, Sienna Miller, Jennifer Aniston and – as the rule of celebrity magazines No 34278 clearly states, “Wherever Jen goes, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie must follow – Brad and Jen.

You pick up the magazine and expect to hear some pithy insights into these stars’ lives. And there is some news.

Kate Moss has been spotted taking cocaine. Sienna Miller has “always got the washing on,” says a source and “is always cleaning”. Brad and Ange have been seen riding his ‘n’ hers motorbikes. And Jennifer Aniston is not dating Vince Vaughn (a story that gets all the more incredible every time we hear it).

So instead of revelation and insightful glimpses into the lives of the rich and A-list, what we get is Fiona Armstrong wearing the ugliest dress on the planet, a garment Douglas Bader would have thought twice about wrapping his legs in.

And we hear Fiona telling us how marvellous it is to be married to Scottish clan chieftain Sir Malcolm MacGregor.

So marvellous is it that in the course of the interview, Armstrong never once mentions her skirt.

And with that skirt ingrained in our minds, along comes Sunetra to tell us about her new son, Noah – “I can’t believe I’ve produced someone so gorgeous,” she trills.

And there’s chavtastic Coleen McLoughlin, foul-mouthed footballer Wayne Rooney’s fiancée, doing her damndest to refute the theory that so long as you’re young you can get away with wearing anything.

Only, we don’t even get to hear from Coleen. She’s just another passing face, trotting along on her way to the shops.

Which leaves us with little else to do but to see what Gary Webster is up to… But wait! Why, if it isn’t Gwyneth Paltrow. And she’s coming this way.

Oh happy, happy day. She’s got a new film to plug and she’s going to talk to Hello!. Stay tuned. We might learn something yet. “So, Gwyneth, is it true that you’re now married and have named you child after a fruit..?”’

Posted: 30th, September 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink