Anorak News | Less Is Moore

Less Is Moore

by | 7th, October 2005

‘DID you go? No, not you. Why would anyone invite you? No, we’re talking to you – that small mound of assorted bits and pieces that used to be attached to the rest of Demi Moore. Did you go?

And if you did, what was the “WEDDING DISASTER” that so marred the new Demi and young Ashton’s Kutcher’s big day?

But nothing doing. Either the old Demi won’t talk, or, since the original has yet to have a mouth transplant, it can’t.

Which means we have to scurry through this issue of the National Enquirer to discover just what it is “The Real Story” behind this sensation.

The closer we get to the news, the more we begin to worry. What was this disaster? Did the uptight state of California suddenly decree that Demi, 42, and Ashton, 27, were too far apart in age to legally wed?

Did Ashton let things slip and inadvertently refer to Demi as “mom”? Were there not enough crab sticks to go around at the reception?

No, the disaster is that Demi and Ashton married without telling his twin brother. Oh, and that’s because, according to Ashton’s sister-in-law Melissa Kutcher, Demi “hates” her new husband’s kinfolk.

Speaking from his home the day after his brother’s wedding, Michael Kutcher tells the Enquirer: “I’m in Cedar Rapids right now. So what does that tell you?”

Well, it pretty much tells us that Michael is in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, the day after his brother’s wedding. And that he has a telephone, possibly the only one in that backwater.

Other than that, Michael’s not telling us all that much. Which means it’s up to his estranged wife Melissa to fill in the considerable gaps in his oratory.

“I think Demi hates Ashton’s family and what they represent,” says she. She goes on to say that Michael is “absolutely crushed. He was looking forward to being Ashton’s best man at his wedding.”

All very interesting, Melissa, but you’ll have to excuse us because we can spot the guests who are good enough for Demi rocking up for the “traditional” Kabbalah ceremony at the actress’s Beverly Hills home.

Around 70 guests got the nod, including Demi’s last husband Bruce Willis, the couple’s three daughters and Lucy Liu.

They looked on in wonder as the happy couple exchange pieces of red sting and promised to make cats cradles in perfect harmony so as long as they both shall live, or whatever does happen at a traditional Kabbalah wedding.

The wedding was then over, leaving the newlyweds free to honeymoon in northern California – which though remote, may not be far enough from Iowa…’

Posted: 7th, October 2005 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink