Anorak News | Sitting Ducks

Sitting Ducks

by | 14th, October 2005

‘ANYONE got a pet duck? A goose? A turkey? If you have, best leave the room – you may find what we have to tell you upsetting.

Fly, Waggles. Fly!

Or else call the Sun STAMP OUT animal cruelty hotline and tell them that little Waggles is being threatened.

But hold on a moment. What’s good for the pooch and the kitty isn’t good for the gander, and the Sun turns a deaf ear to the squawks of protest from fowl lovers and screams: “DUCKS OF DEATH.”

News is that migrating birds winging their way to the UK in their tens of thousands may be carrying with them the deadly bird flu.

The Mail has the same news, telling us on its front page – “BIRD FLU: UK URGED TO BE ON GUARD.”

But before chicken enthusiasts stick a thermometer up Hennie Penny’s parson’s nose to see if she’s running a fever, the Mail tells us that you should first put on gloves and a mask – the bird flu can be passed to humans.

The Government has already stopped all imports of poultry products from Turkey, where strains of the lethal H5N1 stain have been detected. Bird owners are being advised to keep their charges indoors to limit contact with wild birds.

But why bother? There is nothing we can do to stop this disease. As the Express says on its front page: “Just a matter of time before virus that could kill millions hits Britain.”

“BIRD FLU ON OUR DOORSTEP,” screams the Express’s front-page headline. Look out! That blue tit pecking at the top of your milk bottle is loaded and deadly.

But there must be something we can do? The Express says steps can be taken. “If an outbreak in the UK is identified,” says the paper in a Q&A, “a mass cull of British poultry could be introduced”.

And that goes for any bird pets you may have. Like so much chicken, they’re stuffed.

So fly, Waggles, fly! The murderers are coming. You’re doomed. Even the Sun can’t, or won’t, save you…’

Posted: 14th, October 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink