Anorak News | Waiting For The Clamp Down

Waiting For The Clamp Down

by | 8th, November 2005

‘WHEN we first heard of Anthony Sawoniuk, the only Nazi war criminal to be convicted in Britain, we were intrigued to learn that he had worked for 25 years as a ticket collector on British Rail.

‘OK! I promise not to throw a tin can on the ground ever again!’

Sawoniuk, who murdered 18 Jews in 1942, is, like British Rail, now dead and unlamented – as the Telegraph says, he died in prison where he was serving two life sentences.

And while we wonder what drew him to a life on British Rail’s trains we can’t help but wonder what kind of job he’d have taken in today’s Britain. And to get the ball rolling may we suggest the role of traffic warden or clamper.

Yes, this might well be deeply offensive to our officious valiant boys and girls in local council blue who trawl the streets spreading misery, but there it is. We only suggest it. You are free debate it.

And clampers might like to tell us what they think of the Times’s headline news: “Wheel clampers to replace court.”

The Lord Chancellor has proposed in a White Paper that wheel clamping might ease the workload of our magistrates. As he says: “More wheel clamping would be a good idea.”

To ease the burden on courts, the toadyish Lord Falconer of Thoroton thinks that instead of being sent before the Beak for motoring offences – failure to pay car tax or register a vehicle – felons could just have their vehicles clamped until they pay up.

The Telegraph says that offenders would still have the right to a court hearing, if they were not prepared to accept the standard penalty.

But with your vehicle out of action, it would be in your best interests to settle the case as quickly as possible. Especially if your court appearance is scheduled for many weeks in the future.

Clearly this is a brilliant idea, a kind of tagging for cars. An Asbo for white vans.

But why stop there? Why not let clampers and traffic wardens take over other areas of law enforcement.

Accused of vandalism? Snap the suspect’s aerial off. Theft? Nick his hubcaps. Terrorism? Lock him in his car for 90 days. Trespassing? Invade Poland in a fleet of clamping trucks and mopeds…’

Posted: 8th, November 2005 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink