Anorak News | No Half Measures

No Half Measures

by | 25th, November 2005

‘BRITONS today do not do things by halves.

And the gold medal goes to…

When we take cocaine, we become the “Cocaine capital of Europe”. As the Mail reports, something called the European Monitoring Centre for Drugs And Drug Addiction says the UK, along with Spain, has the highest levels of cocaine use.

Although with Kate Moss now clean, and her lover Pete Doherty in rehab, we may slip back to No. 2 in the pecking order. But, for now at least, we are No. 1.

And then there’s George Best. He didn’t do things in small measures, and neither do the papers when talking of the legendary footballer and renowned boozer.

The Sun devotes its front and back pages to the man who lies on the “brink of death”. And both it (“Simply the Best”) and the Mirror have produced lengthy specials on him.

It must be noted that at the time of going to press, Best was still alive. And we can only imagine the public emoting and ululating that will take place should Best do as feared and pass away soon.

But at least whenever the whistle blows on Best the nation can toast the passing of a sporting great in a pub. No need to worry about the landlord’s cry of “Time, gentlemen please” pricking the respectful silence for our George.

Of course, what with this being the UK, we won’t have one drink to remember Best, but a debauched bout of bingeing.

We’ll all just carry on from Thursday, when the new licensing laws came into force and we locked up our homes, bid our children a teary and fond farewell and moved into the nearest pub.

Surprisingly, the Sun didn’t post one of its hacks in some city centre drinking hole to see if a punter could actually spend 24 hours in pub, or, indeed, set up permanent residency in one.

Instead, the paper just says “BOOZINESS AS USUAL”, saying how “little of the predicted mayhem occurred”, but warning that the real test for the emergency services will come over the weekend.

But your view of it all depends what you’re looking at. Is the glass half full, half empty or being brandished in your face by a drunken thug?

While the Sun sees a shopper benignly stocking up on “tipples” in a supermarket at 1:40am, and the Mirror spots a trio of laddish students merrily chinning bottles of hooch in Newcastle, the Mail clacks its marmalade-coated tongue and asks: “Just a quiet night on our streets, was it?”

There then follow pictures of drunken behaviour: yobs being thrown from a Bristol nightclub; bouncers giving chase to said yobs; a drinker confronting police in Nottingham; and a jelly-legged yoof sinking to his knees in Cardiff.

And, what with this being the Mail, there are a few snaps of young women showing once again that the warming effects of alcohol mean you can wear surprisingly little as you cavort in the streets of Plymouth.

As we say, it’s all so excessive. And so very British…’

Posted: 25th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink