All Present And Corrected

‘LONG gone are the days when all you wanted for Christmas were your two front teeth. What good are new gnashers without new lips, a new nose and some cheekbone implants to set them off?

Happily, you need not suffer. This Christmas don’t just get that special person in your life a copy of Cosmetic Surgery for Dummies, but treat them to the full makeover courtesy of Dr Stephen Greenberg.

As the Mail reports (“How to look like a million dollars this Christmas”), the New York plastic surgeon is offering a full top-to-toe “remake” for £580,000.

Imagine the look on your saggy, lined face when you realise that you’re off to the Big Apple for a three-month refit, including recuperation in a five-star hotel, 24-hour nursing and an image consultant.

And don’t worry about people gawping at you with unbridled envy writ large in their baggy eyes because you’ll also have your very own chauffeur to whisk you about town.

“It is the ultimate package,” says Dr Greenburg. “We will remake you from head to toe and you will recover in style.”

You might also recover in pain. But surely it will be worth it as you show off the new you to friends and family back home.

The only danger is that you will become used to such generosity and expect similarly extravagant gifts in Christmases to come.

But worry ye not. That face lift should make it so that whatever you get – be it a sock or a mouldy apple – you will look totally surprised and permanently delighted…’

Posted: 28th, November 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink