Anorak News | The Royal Wee

The Royal Wee

by | 8th, December 2005

‘NO sooner has the new Queen been crowned than the Royal Family is struck by a double blow.

‘Well, at least you didn’t eat toes’

With Queen Cawol Thatcher’s crown still in bloom, the Sun begins to investigate her past. And today Cawol’s subjects read the salacious headline: “I bonked Carol in kitchen at No10.”

For Sara Ferguson’s toe-sucking, read Carol’s clandestine meeting with fashion designer Tom Gilbey.

Gilbey, now aged 67, says that at a dinner in the mid-1980s, when Maggie Thatcher was ruling the land with her iron fist and hair, Cawol and Gilbey were “overcome with passion”.

“Carol tried to dominate during sex and was a control freak,” says Gilbey, ever the gent. “I guess she gets it from her mother.”

With Denis Thatcher no longer among us, we have no-one available to corroborate Gilbey’s assertion.

But such revelations are damaging. And coupled with the Thatchers’ elevation to the uppermost echelon of the aristocracy, the excitement may have been too much for Maggie.

As the front page of the Express reports in darkest black ink: “MAGGIE RUSHED INTO HOSPITAL – Fears for Iron Lady aged 80 as she falls ill having hair done.”

The Sun takes up the story and says that while having her tresses ironed, galvanised and pressed, Maggie felt “faint and unwell”. An ambulance was called. And Maggie was taken to the NHS Chelsea and Westminster Hospital at great speed.

But the good news is that doctors do not think Maggie is seriously ill and plan to discharge her today.

The obituary writers can stand down. Maggie is still among us and plans to be so for many years to come.

She is, after all, the Queen Mother. As befitting her title she is surely set to see her 100th birthday, and so receive a telegram from the Queen…Queen Cawol.’

Posted: 8th, December 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink