Anorak News | Killing For Christmas

Killing For Christmas

by | 19th, December 2005

‘HOW do you plan to get your Christmas meal? Pop down to the supermarket and pick up a pack of hermetically sealed meat, additives and water? Or pick up your gun and go a-hunting?

The frozen foods section

Not everyone has money to buy a bird for the table. Some, like the 82-year-old man spotted in the Mail, are forced by circumstance, bloodlust or a love of fresh meat to stand by the Rover Blackwater, Essex, looking for ducks to shoot.

But take care lest the ducks have the last laugh. This hunter got trapped in the mud, his books stuck fast. The coastguard was called. And our intrepid killer was winched to safety in a helicopter.

And please take care if fowl is not your thing and you prefer something a little more exotic and hearty, like polar bear a la mode.

Of course, unless you get along to the zoo, it’s unlikely you’ll see a real polar bear in Britain. And shooting one until dead will not play out well with visiting children.

No, if you want to bag yourself a polar bear you’ll have to do as the Sun says and jet off to Canada. There, for a fee of £15,000, you can shoot your very own polar bear.

For novice hunters, the Sun helpfully produces a shot of a dead polar bear, and another picture of a couple sitting on a bear pelt, a kind of serving suggestion.

Rick Herscher, who runs the hunting trips, says that once sighted polar bears are easy to kill because there’s nowhere for the 1,750lbs animals to hide.

Oh, come on. Don’t lose your nerve and start feeling sorry for them. As Herscher explains, polar bears can “destroy boats, rip up houses and easily kill a man”.

And they take an age to roast and stuff…’

Posted: 19th, December 2005 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink