Anorak News | Celebrity Do Little

Celebrity Do Little

by | 30th, January 2006

”I SOLD flowers. I didn’t sell myself. Now you’ve made a lady of me I’m not fit to sell anything else’ – Eliza Dolittle (Pygmalion).

For flowers, read buds, as the Star shows topless Big Brother winner Chantelle Houghton partly immersed in a bath of water on its Page 3. (The Star is clearly ignorant of Chantelle’s post-win promise: “You won’t see my t*ts out after today.”)

And for phonetics Professor Henry Higgins, read mo-del Caprice, whose performance on the hit TV show inspired Chantelle to give being a blonde celebrity her full attention.

There’s more from the woman the Mail calls the “Eliza Dolittle of our age” over in the Mirror, as the paper shows its readers a shot of Chantelle in her school uniform.

Of course, what with this being the Mirror and not, say, the Sun, Chantelle is wearing her school uniform at school, not in some fantasy detention with busty Nikki or any number of other Essex flower girls.

As the picture of a 15-year-old shows, she was once dark of hair. But that’s as far as the change goes. “I might be a celebrity now,” says Chantelle, “but I’ll never change. I don’t know how to.”

Hence the Mail’s Eliza Dolittle take on Chantelle, a woman it calls “natural” and “unexpurgated”, who was “herself with such a sweetly artless and unspiteful sang-froid that the viewing public…became entranced”.

Chantelle needs to change if she’s to survive in celebrity’s shark-infested waters. But how?

By her own admission, she’s says she doesn’t know how to change, which means she’s in need of a tutor – especially if she wants her new band Kandy Floss to make it big.

Perhaps Preston, her Big Brother co-star, himself a pop star, can tutor Chantelle in the ways of the pop warble? The Mail says she’s all set to record a version of I Want It Right Now, the song she murdered on the show. So why not get help with the vocals, melody and harmony from someone in the know?

Or what about Simon Cowell? The Mail says Chantelle and the high-trousered one are discussing future TV projects.

The offers are bound to come rolling in for Britain’s blondest and newest celeb. And whether it’s championing motels (Chantelle is the face of Travelodge), singing or just being a celeb, we’ll wager Chantelle is even bit a successful in her new career as Kerry Katona, Jordan, Jodie Marsh and many, many, more who dared to dream…’

Posted: 30th, January 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink