Anorak News | Doing Bird

Doing Bird

by | 31st, January 2006

‘IN the ongoing war with the birds, it would be easy to brand Janice and George Cope traitors.

But the Mail, which for weeks has been delivering chilling warnings about the clear and present danger posed by bird flu, seems to be on their side.

The story is that while out before dawn in the streets of Kiveton Park, South Yorkshire, armed with sultanas and pieces of bread (not laced with cyanide, but full of sustenance and wheaty goodness), the Copes were pounced upon by two council wardens.

The Copes’ two-hour ritual of feeding the birds had been caught on CCTV. The authorities had been notified. Wardens had been secreted near the local library. And at 7:30 am, the patriotic forces confronted the wrongdoers, issuing a £50 fixed penalty ticket for dropping litter.

Rotherham Council says the food is a potential health hazard. Richard Bremall, the council’s environment enforcement officer, says that the Copes are not scattering a few pieces of bread, but dumping a carrier bag full of food over a wide area.

But the “offenders” are not impressed. “We are just trying to do our bit for wildlife and the environment and these idiots are treating us like common criminals,” says Mrs Cope.

She vows to not pay the fine. And Mr Cope, whose name appears on the ticket, says he will go to jail if he has to.

But should Mr Cope go before the Beak, we warn him that the Treason Felony Act 1848 clearly states that a “move to stir any foreigner or stranger with force to invade the United Kingdom or any other of her Majesty’s dominions or countries under the obeisance of her Majesty” shall be “transported beyond the seas for the term of his or her natural life”.

The war with the birds goes on…’

Posted: 31st, January 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink