Anorak News | Changing Rooms

Changing Rooms

by | 13th, February 2006

‘ANOTHER British institution is under threat, as the Ask Jeeves search engine is considering scrapping the all-knowing butler.

Fancy an early bath?

Perhaps his inscrutable manner is considered old-fashioned in an age in which discretion is no longer valued, and we are encouraged to “let it all hang out” at every opportunity.

Certainly there would be no point in asking Jeeves the identity of the two “millionaire soccer stars” who, according to the Sun, “were at the centre of a gay riddle last night”.

We at Anorak have never knowingly found ourselves at the centre of a gay riddle, but we’re pretty sure that if we did, we would keep it under our hat. And that seems to be the attitude of the millionaire soccer stars too.

Having had no joy asking Jeeves, or Google, or anybody else, the Sun has turned to a more orthodox source of comment – an old retired footballer.

Peter Osgood (for it is he) has many a story of the high-life enjoyed by cosmopolitan footballers. As a member of the Chelsea set in the swinging sixties and seventies, he’s seen it all.

Well, almost all. It turns out that his knowledge of things gay is about as foggy as that of Young Old Mr Anorak, who is ninety-seven and has never been kissed.

Ossie reckons that the two millionaire soccer players might suffer “abuse from rival supporters” were they to “come out” (for the benefit of Anorak readers who don’t expect to read such things in a family website, this means openly declaring one’s sexual orientation).

“Obviously there’s going to be gays in every walk of life,” says Osgood, who is a man of the world, and knows about these things.

But he’s not suggesting that there was any funny business in the dressing room at Stamford Bridge in his day. “We never had any at our club,” he insists. “I don’t think I’d get in the communal bath with them anyway.”

Of course not, Ossie. But what do you think of this gay business? “Everyone to their own,” he says. “I think you’ve got to accept it.”

One of the millionaire soccer gays is said to have put a vibrating mobile phone in his boxer shorts.

As a wise man once said, it’s a funny old game.’

Posted: 13th, February 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink