Anorak News | Posh Pushes

Posh Pushes

by | 8th, March 2006

‘WELCOME to Celebrity Birthing Partners, the show that pairs famous birth virgins with star mums.

‘Try not to see it as giving birth, but as losing weight,’ says Posh

This week, as the Star reports, Katie Holmes will be paired with a professional celebrity mum of her choice.

Who will she go for? And for all you playing along at home and work, remember that Katie is opting for a natural birth – no C-section for this Hollywood star.

As the partner of Scientologist Tom Cruise, Holmes is banned from taking any drugs during the birth. She is also, as the paper reminds us, required to remain silent throughout.

(As Cruise is reported to have said: “Like anything, you want to be as quiet as possible.” Although not when jumping around on Oprah Winfrey’s sofa, naturally.)

Now you have the clues, have you guessed the identity of Holmes’s labour ward luvvie? That’s right. As the Star’s headline announces: “POSH TO HELP KATIE PUSH.” Holmes’s celebrity birth partner is none other than our very own Victoria Beckham.

The Star’s source says that the actress and retired singer are close pals. “Victoria has become a mother hen to Katie and was thrilled when she asked her to be her birthing partner,” says the insider.

“Twice a week they set aside half an hour to discuss any worries Katie might have and practise breathing techniques.”

And Vicky knows all about breathing, considering herself something of the expert in the field. As such, Holmes has chosen well.

And if La Beckham can teach Holmes how to kept her teeth clenched and lips puckered in the face of extreme pain (see Posh’s pout and the birth of Rebecca Loos as a shag-‘n’-brag celebrity), we are sure Holmes will perform wonderfully.

The only slight issue is that Vicky is too-Posh-to-push – all three of her sons were delivered by elective, planned C-sections. This is a case of do as I say and not as I do.

And lying back on the maternity ward gurney in total silence, and starkly sober, Holmes is in no position to argue…’

Posted: 8th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink