Acting Up

‘HOORAY for Hollywood. The mere mention of the word Oscars banished bird flu, Islamic nutters and MRSA from the news pages. Such is the power of cinema.

And such if the power of a woman’s tears. Perhaps sensing that she was destined to win a best actress Oscar for her role in Pride & Prejudice, Keira Knightly practiced gushing like the best of them at LA restaurant The Ivy.

The Star said that Knightly’s tears only abated when, safely back at the Chateau Marmont hotel, she shared a cup of tea with the overexposed Sienna Miller.

By Tuesday, we realised that Knightly’s professionalism had been for nought. She had failed to win a statuette. Although, Britain did have Rachel Weisz to cheer as she accepted her best supporting actress Oscar for The Constant Gardener.

But Weisz wasn’t having it all her own way. Pregnant and dressed in demure black, her dress was not going to win an award.

But another British girl would triumph. Sienna Miller, fresh from pouring tea, had gotten dressed in what the Mail called a “dog-collared patterned sack”. Miller had won the paper’s Worst Dressed Prize.

The Sun went further still and called Miller’s dress a “CRIME”. Not since Hugh Grant wore a syrupy grin in a police mug shot had a British thespian committed such a gross act of indecency over there.

If only Miller had had some advice. If only she had stayed in Blighty and read Victoria Beckham’s “10 style commandments”. Like No.4: Invest In Timeless Classics. “Buy classics that will never date,” said Posh. Like trousers. And socks.

What would Posh have worn to the Oscars? And what will Posh wear when, as we heard on Wednesday, she holds Katie Holmes’s hand in the delivery room.

Vicky might be too Posh to push, but Her Poshness had, as the Star told us, been asked to be the actress’s celebrity birthing partner. The Star’s source said that the actress and the retired singer are close pals. “Victoria has become a mother hen to Katie and was thrilled when she asked her to be her birthing partner,” said the insider.

“Twice a week they set aside half an hour to discuss any worries Katie might have and practise breathing techniques.”

And Vicky knows all about breathing, considering herself something of the expert in the field. As such, Holmes had chosen well.

Posh would make a much better maternity ward mate than, say, Pete Doherty. For one thing, Doherty might break the Scientology taboo and brings drugs into the labour ward. For another, he might turn up on the wrong day.

On Thursday the Mirror saw Doherty leaving Thames Magistrates’ Court in Central London. Doherty had been attending a drug rehabilitation order review hearing, in which District Judge Jane McIvor praised Doherty’s “progress” in not testing positive for illegal narcotics. “His determination seems to be increasing, not decreasing,” she told all assembled.

So Doherty walked free. And, as the Mirror reported, a hack popped up to ask the singer if he was now drugs free. Doherty had no truck with such probing questions about his personal life. “What sort of question is that to ask on a Tuesday morning?” asked Pete Doherty. But it was Wednesday, so perhaps the journalist who fielded the question should have expected a simple “yes” or “no”.

Posh won’t let Katie down. No chance. Posh is reliable and honest. She would no more fail to show up and help her showbiz pal than she would “cynically and hypocritically” seek to present an untrue image of her and Day-vid’s marriage to the public for financial reasons.

As Posh had said: “We do not deny that we promote ourselves as a happily married couple. We say that because it is true.”

So when the couple’s former nanny Abbie Gibson said in an article in the News of The World (“Posh and Becks on Rocks”) that the Beckhams’ marriage was a sham, Posh was offended, outraged and ready to go to court.

And we were ready to listen. So imagine our shock when on Friday, with the hearing scheduled for June, the Mail brought news that the Beckhams had changed their minds. They will not be taking the stand. The case had been dropped.

It is still hard to believe Posh passed up the chance to tell a captive audience how utterly in love she and Day-vid are.

But it is not to be. And we may never know if Posh is a woman with a perfect life, or a pretty fine actress…’

Posted: 13th, March 2006 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink