Anorak News | Off His Noodle

Off His Noodle

by | 15th, March 2006

‘WITH no mad mullah stepping forward to take on the role of Britain’s resident Islamic nutter at large, the Sun is forced to see what one of the old guard is up to.

Hamza can open cans, and take stones from a horse’s hoof

And unsure where Omar Bakri is, that old stager known to one and all as the Tottenham Taliban, the paper turns to Abu Hamza, who, as has been widely reported, is languishing in Belmarsh jail in South-East London.

And the news is that Hamza is unhappy. The “hate preacher” is less than chuffed with the prison food. So bad is it that he is on hunger strike.

Hamza, who could do with losing a few pounds, has also persuaded 21 of his fellow lags to join in the complaint. And they will carry on starving themselves until the Pot Noodles he is served every day are flushed back down the toilet from whence they came.

A source tells the paper all. “Hamza thinks Pot Noodles are peasants’ food,” says the insider. “He argues that he is a large man and the watery snacks are not enough to fill him.”

The image of Hamza twirling the noodles around his hooks is delicious, and undeniably more appetising than the snacks. (Perhaps Hamza’s hooks could be replaced by attachments, like whisks, ladles and measuring spoons. This would surely encourage and enable Hamza ‘The Human Food Processor’ to make his own food.)

But Hamza is not amused. Either the food improves or he will never eat again. Which would be just awful, wouldn’t it..?’

Posted: 15th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink