Mate & See

‘IN keeping with the Hollywood fashion for booking into hotels under false names, we have taken the liberty of dubbing Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn ‘Ming Ling’ and ‘Choo Choo’.

The couple remind us of those giant pandas brought together in zoos to mate. And like a pair of breeding bears, Jen and Vince have gotten a little camera shy.

So rather than stay in the human zoo that is Hollywood, Ming Ling and Choo Choo have, as the Enquirer reports, booked into The Castle, a $3,600-a-night, 10,000-square-foot private cage out of town.

Removed from prying eyes, it is said the couple are planning to mate and breed successfully. As a pal of Aniston’s tells the magazine: “This trip was all about getting Jen pregnant. Going to Colorado gives them the chance to work on starting a family.”

We have already noted that no expense has been spared. And ideal mating conditions for Hollywood humans are produced by the couple’s eight bedrooms, four Jacuzzis and an outdoor “grotto tub”.

Ordinary humans might just need the backseat of a Renault Megane, but these big bears need space and more ambiance than even a car radio, the hum of a fan heater and magic tree can produce.

And then there is the diet. Telluride, Colorado, might be more used to serving up moose burgers and racoon grits, but to give Ming Ling and Choo Choo a fighting chance the locals have shipped in Hollywood fare, like crab cakes, salmon rolls and warm beet salad.

And then there are the vanilla beans crème brulee Vince was seen spooning into Jen’s face.

And Jen should also stop smoking. As Dr Edward Zabrek, a Texas-based medic says, “Smoking robs the blood vessels of oxygen, including the ovaries.” He concludes: “A woman who smokes has a higher risk of infertility.”

And so too a panda bear…’

Posted: 15th, March 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink