Anorak News | The Exploding Head(lines)

The Exploding Head(lines)

by | 16th, March 2006

‘“WE SAW HUMAN GUINEA PIGS EXPLODE,” says the Sun’s front page, and we grow pale.

Myfanwy Marshall feels the pain

Remove the word “human” from this shocking headline and a nation of animal lovers takes up arms. Replace guinea pigs with dogs, and the Sun screams “STAMP IT OUT”. But these are exploding humans, and the paper lets them speak for themselves.

Only, you can’t hear their words over the piercing cries of extreme pain as the trial inflammatory drugs injected into six healthy volunteers does its worst.

But Raste Khan was well placed to see what happened when the men were injected with the toxic brew – he was given a placebo, so escaped unharmed. And he tells all. Says Khan: “Some of them screamed that their heads were about to explode.”

And then they did. Kaboom! Right? No. Wrong. The Sun’s headline is incorrect. No one’s head has exploded. And, since you are wondering, scientists have yet to mate a guinea pig with a human.

So much for that. But what of the “writing, vomiting, tearing at shirts” as “they screamed their heads would burst”? Well, that is all true. Khan says so. The 23-year-old poses for the Sun’s snapper and says how the scene was like a horror film being played before his eyes.

While talking about his ordeal possibly offers Khan some kind of comfort, readers might suppose such horrific stories only administer more pain to the victims’ relatives and friends.

You may be right in thinking that. And to emphasise just how much agony these loved ones are in, the Express produces shots of two of the poisoned men’s girlfriends, Marian Bayford (“TEARS”) and Myfanwy Marshall (“ANGUISH”).

Marshall, her face wracked with pain, composes herself long enough to speak to the press about boyfriend Ryan Wilson. “His chest is puffed out,” says she. “His face is out here, like Elephant Man, it’s completely puffed.”

For those readers unaware what this Elephant Man is – the figure who gives the Mail, Express and Star their headlines – the Star produces a picture of the creature.

We who have seen this hideous image can only say that Mr Man does not look well. But stress that the “tragic” Elephant Man never took part in drugs trials at a private London clinic, to the best of our knowledge.’

Posted: 16th, March 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink