Anorak News | Not Taking The Biscuit

Not Taking The Biscuit

by | 21st, March 2006

‘EVER since Kelly Osbourne told us that she has lost 2 stone and asked “Can you believe it?” (see Anorak “Go Figure”), we have been wondering how she did it.

The face that munched a thousand Jammie Dodgers

Kelly claimed that she did not shed the weight at the gym. “Can you honestly see me working out?” asked Kelly. Ever up for a challenge, we rubbed our temples, closed out eyes and tried hard to imagine Osbourne dressed in an orange Lycra bodysuit pounding a treadmill and sweating like a Hollywood brat on Vicodin. But it was too much. And we failed.

The mystery of Kelly’s weight loss deepened, and we thought it would never be solved. Until now. As the Mirror reports, Kelly has lost the weight because she has…stopped eating Jammie Dodgers.

As Kelly’s hair stylist Terry Longden says: “There was never just one packet in her dressing room – they left a case. Nobody was allowed to touch them. We knew better than to come between her and her Jammie Dodgers.”

Oh? So what happened when Longden took one? “I pinched one and she chased me down the tour bus.”

Wow! These tour buses must be at least 40feet long. And we can only imagine how much more weight Kelly would have lost had Longden stolen more of her biscuits and hired a longer bus, with or without an onboard gym…’

Posted: 21st, March 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink