Anorak News | Forecourt Is Forewarned

Forecourt Is Forewarned

by | 23rd, March 2006

‘THAT drudge might not be supermum Sharon Osbourne, but she is the only mother you have.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I saw these tired broken stems and thought of you

Sure she could swear more and cover the house in miniature dog poo from miniature dogs, but it is too late for her to change.

She can try to dye her hair red and tell the world how she and your dad are at it like rabbits, but in so doing so mum runs the risk of making herself look desperate and dreadful.

Remember that on Mother’s Day. Oh, you forgot. Never mind, it’s not too late to go online and order a bouquet of red camellias. Granted, the flowers might go to the wrong address, be blue and arrive a week late, but it is the thought that counts.

To avoid the perils of Internet ordering, you could buy some flowers on the petrol station forecourt? Or from the chap in the middle of the road with a bucket of carnations?

But don’t bother. The Mail has seen a survey in Which? magazine which says too many flowers are odourless, past their best and not worth the expense.

Worst of all was the Citrus Splendour arrangement bought from Asda. This scored four marks out of then and is described by the mother who received it as “lopsided and past its best.”

She goes on: “I’d be disappointed to receive it as a gift. One week later everything was dead.”

So the message is loud and it is clear: do not buy mum anything. Better to draw a picture of some flowers and stick that in a vase. Or just tell mum they got lost in the post…’

Posted: 23rd, March 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink