Anorak News | We’re No. 1

We’re No. 1

by | 28th, March 2006

‘WHEN Wimbledon FC were in their prime, they used to frighten the opposition by taking a radio into the dressing room and blasting our hardcore techno house music.

Vinnie Jones and a dance partner

Vinnie Jones and his team-mates might have hated the din, but they knew that the opposition hated it more. Victory was theirs. They charged onto the field of play – hearts racing at 200 beats per minute – ready to do some damage.

Such a policy might also work for the English national side. Team England are always slow starters in tournaments (and too-quick finishers), and the idea of Sven dispensing with his pre-match whispers to blare out Funk D’Void’s Volume Freak is worthy of consideration.

In Euro ’96, while we sang Three Lions on the terraces, better had the lads stuck on Black Grape’s England’s Irie in the dressing room, a song that features the threatening lyric “Cut the trigger, I fire like this”.

But you can talk and talk and talk and still the FA will produce (How Does it Feel To Be) On Top of the World, the disastrous 1998 song featuring the Spice Girls and Ian McCulloch.

Of course, as Kevin Keegan assured us back in 1982, this time it will be different. This time England will be cheered on by Embrace.

As the Times says, this band have an affinity with the national game. BBC TV’s Match Of The Day uses their song Ashes to spice up the Goal Of The Month competition (“I’ve waited and given the chance again/ I’d do it all the same but either way/ I’m always out played up on your down days/ I left in the right way to start again”.) And the band’s Gravity was used as the theme for the film Mike Bassett: Manager.

Which means that the FA’s search for a song is over. Tom Harold, the FA’s marketing manager, is relieved. “With only 75 days to go until England’s first game, against Paraguay, everybody has been asking who will get the gig. We’d like to think we’ve pulled off something of a coup by bagging such a great band,” he tells the Times.

Sure, the FA would like to congratulate itself. But before the blazers order champagne and secretaries all round, they should consider what it is they hope to achieve by the song.

Do they want the fans to hum the official anthem in their cars and sing it in the ground? Or do they want it to stir the team into a state of rare excitement and passion – and for the Brazilians, Germans and Dutch to hate it?’

Posted: 28th, March 2006 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink