Facing Up

‘“I’D never turn the clock back,” says Liz Hurley, the face of beauty products from her native Basingstoke to Brisbane.

But she can. Surely with pentides, progenesis, “Youth dew”, “Re-Nutriv” and all manner of scientific-sounding wonders extracted from vegetable exotica and butterfly wings crushed on the thighs of virgin Amazon tribesmen, Hurley can stare down ageing and turn back time?

The billion and more women who rub celebrity-endorsed soap and coloured water into their faces hope Liz is joking. But she is not. This is Hurley in deadly serious mode. Note the closed mouth. See the sensible trousers. Pay attention to the lack of visible knickers.

This is Liz in Pakistan, on tour with boyfriend Arun Nayar and Imran Khan.

Imran, formerly Mr Jemima Khan – the woman now dating Liz’s old flame Hugh Grant (you can almost see the gene pool shrinking) – is the fonder of Pakistan’s only cancer hospital, the Shaukat Khanum Memorial Cancer Hospital in Lahore. And Liz is in town to help raise some funds.

But what’s up? Hello! tells us that Liz’s pained expression is not just rooted in a deep empathy with the ill and needy. She has been struck low by food poising, blaming a rogue kebab for her ills and getting by on toast and water.

Brave Liz nonetheless manages to change into ten outfits. It’s as if not eating properly hasn’t affected her at all. Liz is a marvel.

Among these outfits, Liz sports an inspirational pair of white jeans in which she walks among some young survivors of the recent Pakistan earthquake, and cradles a blanked-swaddled child to her brown suede jacket.

Looking at the children there and in the aforesaid hospital, Liz’s thoughts turn to her son, Damian. The youngster’s a devilishly good lad. “He’s really well behaved,” says Liz. “He’s always eaten breakfast, lunch and supper sitting up properly at the table. He’s never eaten on his lap and he’s never allowed to eat walking around.” Oh. “He’s always in bed at 7pm. He’s a lovely boy – absolute heaven.”

He sounds like a riot, a real cracker barrel of fun. And doubtless when he grows up he will carry on his mother’s good work. He is already an example to the children of Pakistan.

Liz explains: “After all, people copy a famous person’s hairstyle, clothes and shoes, so there’s hope that they will copy some slightly more worthy things.”

Like calling their children Damian, hiring a nanny to look after him/her and using retinoids to reduce fine lines. The people of Pakistan have taken note. Let’s hope they now act on the message…’

Posted: 31st, March 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink