The Birds

‘DO you still feel like chicken tonight? Bird flu has arrived in Britain.

A swan has been found dead, killed by the H5N1 strain of bird flu. Just under a 1,000 square miles of a coastal part of Scotland, centred on the crime scene at Cellardyke, have been placed under quarantine.

Should we panic? The Times says a further 14 wild birds are being tested for the lethal virus. After the long wait, the killer has arrived.

But, as the Telegraph’s leader says: “The most likely human victims of bird flu will be poultry farmers – not killed, but bankrupted.”

The Scottish executive has ordered the affected area’s 260,000 poultry to be kept indoors. Pet owners living close to the site where the swan was found are advised to keep cats inside.

Scarecrows are being hastily erected around the protective cauldron’s perimeter to keep the region’s 3.1 million birds locked in and too frightened cross.

Don’t panic. The shadowy Cobra committee are on the job, gathered round a heavy wooden table in some castle dungeon to see what can be done.

But what can you do? Show solidarity for the beleaguered farmers by eating an egg and a drumstick? Peter Kendall, the president of the National Farmers’ Union, urges the public to do just that. He tells the Telegraph: “There are no implications for public health or consumers.”

Scotland’s chief medical officer, Harry Burns, says, “The risk to public health is no greater today than it was last week or last month, nothing has changed.’ But is that good or bad? He doesn’t say.

So do you feel like chicken tonight? Headless or otherwise?’

Posted: 7th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink