Anorak News | Pilot Error

Pilot Error

by | 11th, April 2006

‘“I AM now waiting for the man with the hammer to arrive,” says the driver of the Tube train stuck in a tunnel outside London’s Queens Park Tube station. “He is now hitting the track. While we wait I will sing a version of Celine Dion’s classic hit My Heart Will Go On.”

‘This is your captain speaking – the boat is sinking…’

Such are the hideous dangers of travelling on public transport. Not only are you trapped in an airless metal tube, buy you are placed at the mercy at the unseen controller of the tannoy.

And so it is for the 189 passengers aboard a Boeing 737-800 waiting to leave Doncaster’s Robin Hood airport for a flight to Tenerife.

“Ding! Dong! This is you captain speaking,” says the captain. “We are currently cruising at an altitude of zero feet and at a speed for zero knots. We will remain in our current position until I can find my mobile phone.”

This announcement is followed by the sound of the captain rummaging in the cockpit for the lost mobile.

As the Sun says, our captain then calls for “technical assistance”. Cue the arrival of engineers, who dismantle the cockpit, possibly with the aid of big hammers, and even search under the floor.

One hour later, the passengers are asked to disembark and return to the terminal. There they listen to a musak version of Celine Dion’s greatest hits – until another three hours have passed and they are led towards a new aircraft which is ready to take off.

And the music plays on…’

Posted: 11th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink