Anorak News | Telling Tales

Telling Tales

by | 15th, April 2006

‘IF you look round the poker table and you can’t see the mug then the mug is you. Your best course of action is to quit before things get worse – or seek out Wayne Rooney.

On Monday we read that between September last year and February England’s football hero ran up gambling debts of £700,000.

Of course, Rooney is a high roller – he earns £100,000 a week. He can afford to lose the cash. He’d only have given it to his girlfriend to spend in Primark. No big deal.

Only it is a big deal. Rooney is unhappy that no-one warned him against chasing his losses. He’s refusing to pay his debt.

Which surely leaves our Wayne in line for trouble? Or not. Because the Mirror told us that gambling debts are not recoverable by law. The Mirror’s hastily produced “sports betting expert” said that debts to bookies are debts of honour, and there is “precious little” honour among punters.

And there is virtually no honour among our diving, spitting, cheating footballers.

On Tuesday we heard that things could be worse for Rooney. Team England are due to book into a hotel in Baden Baden for the World Cup, a place famous for its casino.

Happily for young Rooney, rules state that punters must be over the age of 21 to enter the place, leaving 20-year-old Wayne on the outside.

So what’s a young man in the wilds of Germany to do if he can’t gamble? The Star had one idea. As its front-page headline said: “ENGLAND’S TOP STARS ADDICTED TO WEB SEX.” Just think how many hours online Wayne could buy for £700,000.

Problem is that whatever Rooney does someone will be watching him. We are turning into a nation of snoops and sneaks.

On Wednesday we heard that the grass up a water hog campaign, part of the widening hosepipe ban, was attracting lots of calls from worried sprinkler watchers.

As the Guardian reported, 90 calls had been made to Thames Water’s hosepipe hog hotline. South East Water had taken 100 calls, and Three Valleys Water 124.

But the area’s tops grasses were Southern Water’s customers, having given the company a mighty 1,500 tip-offs.

The only thing for it is to comply with the water board’s wishes, or plant a huge row of Leylandii around your estate. These trees should stop the neighbours from peeping over, seeing your water features and grassing you up.

And, with any luck, your mighty hedgerow will envelope their gardens in total shade, so preventing unnecessary evaporation from their new bog-style lawns.’

Posted: 15th, April 2006 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink