Anorak News | Spitting The Dummy

Spitting The Dummy

by | 20th, April 2006

‘BOOK the birthing therapist. News is that Katie Holmes spat the specially made adult-sized dummy Tom Cruise had had made for her and screamed “Get me to a hospital now!” as she gave birth.

Love is…the taste of placenta

The Church of Scientology and its follower Tom Cruise dictate that the mother must remain mute in the throes of birth lest the baby become traumatised, maladjusted and suffer later in life. Nature dictates the mother should scream her head off.

And, as the Star reports, when the moment arrived, Katie ignored the signs demanding silence that had been placed around the Hollywood mansion she shares with Tom and let rip.

But while the Star watches Holmes defy another of Tom’s rules that she have the baby at home and leaves for a private hospital, the Mail hears, well, nothing much at all.

According to the paper’s sources, Katie was “as quiet as a mouse” when she gave birth to her daughter. “You couldn’t hear anything coming from the room,” says one hospital worker.

Katie is a game girl. Having silently communicated her desire to leave for hospital, Katie endured the ordeal of birth without uttering a word.

The Sun says that not only was Katie quiet but so too were the nurses, who used hand signals to tell the actress when to push.

While these versions of events appear at odds with the Star’s take on the matter, readers are offered a reason as to how Katie might have pulled off this epic feat. The Sun says Katie had an epidural.

As we know, Scientology prefers the birth to be drug free. But there is nothing like a 7lb 7oz 20-inch bundle of searing pain to have you grasping for the medicine cabinet.

Anyone wanting to know more about what occurred in the delivery room can pop along to the Church of Scientology Center in Hollywood and take a look at the notes and recordings Tom is said by the Sun to have handed over to supervisors therein.

These doyens of the Scientology movement will study the report, resist the urge to sell the tapes to the highest bidder and decide whether or not Katie needs to be given extra counselling, or “auditing” as the church calls it.

Meanwhile back at the hospital, Katie and Tom are choosing a name for their little bundle of love.

And it might have been while euphoric at the miracle of life, or high on the yet greater miracle of the epidural, that Katie and Tom selected Suri for the baby’s name.

As the Sun says on its front page, Suri – who will be given barley water to drink and separated from Katie for the first few days – means Princess in Hebrew and “pickpocket” in Japanese.

And it also means “pointy nose” in Indian, which should not be confused with pointy head…’

Posted: 20th, April 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink