Anorak News | As Green As They Look

As Green As They Look

by | 24th, April 2006

‘“VOTE blue, go green.” So says the banner flying over the Tories’ local election campaign – a banner, and message, that may or may not be made of biodegradable matter.

‘Down, Vauxhall! Down’

The Tories are keen to show you just how much they care about the environment. So concerned are they that the party’s leader has travelled by canoe, oxcart and piggyback to Norway to see the effects of global warming on a glacier deep in the Arctic Circle.

Only he did not – Cameron went by Vauxhall Omega and jet to Longyearbyen, Svalbnard. The only time fossil fuel played no part in Cameron’s grand gesture was when he drove a dogsled on his way to the Scott-Turner glacier.

Meanwhile, Gordon Brown, that other prime ministerial hopeful, was rowing to New York to talk about climate change. Of course, Gordon didn’t – he went by jet airplane. But he did say that “climate change is a global problem requiring a global solution”.

And, like Cameron, Brown does claim that his trip will be offset by making contributions to renewable energy projects. The Tories should contribute about £200 to such schemes.

How easy it is to be green when you can buy Mother Nature off. “You wanna stop global warming?” asks Mother Nature rubbing together a finger and thumb suggestively.

And the LibDems are just as green. The party’s leader, Sir Menzies Campbell, has done his bit for the planet by putting his gas guzzling Jaguar car up for sale. Sir Menzies says he is ‘tear-stained’ to part with his motor. Ming is doing his bit to highlight the LibDem’s ‘safer, greener, fairer’ local government programme.

Of course, if you rally want to go green, you can vote for the Greens.

‘If you want action on climate change and not spin and rhetoric only the Greens can deliver,’ says Caroline Lucas, a Green Party MEP representing the South-East of England.

“The electorate is not going to be taken in by any johnny-come-lately bolt-on environmentalism,” she adds.

Especially if it is misplaced. When he’s not zooming over the ice, David Cameron can be found handing out Silver Birches (Betula Pendula) in hemp carrier bags.

Bringing back the birch will doubtless appeal to many Tories, but what do you do with a tree which can live up to 90 years and grow up to 30 metres high? You can’t exactly fit it in your window box.

Perhaps the best thing to do is to burn it. Or turn it into a sleigh…’

Posted: 24th, April 2006 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink