Anorak News | Footing The Bill

Footing The Bill

by | 26th, May 2006

Mistakes are easily made. Had Prince Harry worn a swastika to a friend’s fancy dress party in downtown Munich he would have been fined.

What passes for comedy in these lands will earn you a swift telling off and more bedsides over there.

So anyone walking the streets of Berlin, raising an arm to point out interesting masonry work on such and such a building while rubbing an index finger across their top lip in thoughtful contemplation should take care. Your actions may be misconstrued.

And there is more. The Mirror has printed a handy tear-out-and-keep guide to what various activities in Germany will earn you.

The section is headed “Yob footie fans face list of set fines”.

A breach of the peace will cost you £107. Causing actual bodily harm to another will set you back £850. Being drunk or urinating in public costs you £100, far in excess of the proverbial penny. And dropping litter is met by a fine of £50.

Readers should note that this is not meant to be a price list. Travelling England fans are not to view the list as some kind of menu from which to select the yobbery du jour.

Gangs of lads high on hooch and fuelled by gigantic sausages should not club together and afford their designated representative the ‘treat’ of beating a fan of a foreign team to a bloody pulp.

A price tag of £850 may be reasonable, and no more than the price of a standard ticket to watch Chelsea, but it is bad form to smash people’s faces in.

That said, forearmed is the hooligan who goes equipped to the match, ensuring he has enough cash left over from buying beer, more beer and David Hasselhoff T-shirts to pay off the German judiciary should he get pinched taking a leak in the street.

Lastly, we see that streaking on the pitch carries a fine of £8,000.

Whether or not this represents good value for money depends on timing. Get it right, and you and the crime will pay for itself as you appear on daytime TV and your own website.

Time it badly, say, when David Beckham is all set to take a crucial penalty and the ensuing mass brawl could earn enough fines to bankrupt the country…

Posted: 26th, May 2006 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink