Anorak News | Hot & Bothered

Hot & Bothered

by | 11th, June 2006

“MAYBE we suffered a lot. I think this was a real hot, hot day and I think that knocked us in the second half.”

Sven Goran Eriksson there, offering an explanation as to why England – who won their opening match 1-0 after Paraguay scored an own goal – were so desperately unconvincing.

David Beckham agrees with his coach that it was hot. The Sun hears him say: “You don’t realise how hot it was out there.” Perhaps we don’t, but we are learning fast.

Here comes Frank Lampard to tell us just how hot it was, and how such heat is unfair on England. “Paraguay are more used to this climate,” says Lampard.

Readers may like to note that the match was held in Germany, not in southern Tunisia, or Paraguay, and that in the summertime it can get pretty sunny here, too.

But before we blame the sun for being too hot, too yellow and too sunny, Steven Gerrard offers another explanation for England’s laboured performance, also in the Sun. “There were a lot of players suffering with blisters,” says he.

So England scored a fortunate win, putting in what the Observer calls a “ragged performance”, because they had blisters? And, presumably, these blisters were on their feet and not, say, on their thumbs?

“The lads were complaining about their feet burning,” says John Terry in the Telegraph. He has a “couple of blisters”.

And that is not all. Terry also wants us to realise that the “turf was a bit too dry”.

As the Observer puts it, so much for “England the Slayer of Worlds, Destroyer of Planets, Bringer of Life, Giver of Water, Redemptor of Man”. This is England the normal. We’ve seen it all before. Although blaming the wrong kind of turf is something new.

But England can get better. And the team does have Wayne Rooney.

As the Times’s man on the scene says, it was seventy minutes into the match before England’s fans started chanting Rooney’s name.

And, as the Guardian reports, it was Rooney, bare-chested and smiling at the crowd, who was among the last to leave the pitch.

How England fans must be hoping he’s on the field of play for longer next time…

Posted: 11th, June 2006 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink