Anorak News | Stars Of Wonder

Stars Of Wonder

by | 13th, June 2006

IF only Jesus Christ had been blessed with parents as savvy in the ways of the world as Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.

Jesus was saddled with Mary and a carpenter who travelled by one donkey power. Had Joseph been around today he’d have arrived in Namibia to find the place fully booked.

If mum and dad had had the faintest idea about the important things in life, they’d have asked the wise men to tell them about securing Jesus’s image rights.

God in his wisdom would not make the same mistake again. This new Messiah would be born to parents with access to a private jet and something more useful than myrrh.

This Messiah would be born to Angelina and Brad. This one would not be forced to turn water into wine, like some hairier David Blaine. Shiloh Nouvel would have the finest tinctures on tap.

And here is Shiloh in Hello!, lying between mum and dad. And here she is again being cradled in her father’s hands. And now she’s back between mum and dad. And now she’s peering over Angelina’s shoulder. Move on a page and Shiloh is cosying up to mum.

And so the pictures come, all exclusive and available only through the Church of Hello!.

And the people of Namibia are grateful. “We are honoured they chose Namibia,” says regional governor Samuel Nuuyoma. “This family has opened the doors for us to the world.”

Indeed. And already the pilgrims are making their way to the Burning Shore Lodge. Although, with Angelina and Brad having taken all the rooms, the worshippers may have to find alternative accommodation – like in a barn, perhaps…

Posted: 13th, June 2006 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink