Anorak News | Out Of Order

Out Of Order

by | 19th, June 2006

ANYONE seen Anna Kournikova?

It’s just that at this time of year it is customary for newspaper editors to remind men that the Wimbledon tennis tournament is almost upon us.

For female readers the World Cup is presented as a series of insightful reports on what footballers’ wives are doing with their hair and if orange is the new tan; for male readers, Wimbledon is about Anna Phwoarnikova! and frilly knickers.

But while the hunt is on for Anna, the Times is forced to make do with a shot of Tim Henman.

Henman is gearing up for another bash at getting to the final of Wimbledon. To the shrieks of “Go Tim!” and the noise of thousands of his female fans popping the tops off their vials of HRT medication, Henman will “oomph” and “aahh” towards his birthright.

And to go with the Henmanics, Tim will also have the BBC to help him. As the Times says, in the course of his semi-final match at the Stella Artois tournament at London’s Queen’s Club, Henman struck a shot.

If it goes in, then Tiger Tim (Grrrr”!) will win the fourth game in the final set and so take a three games to one lead.

The ball hits the baseline. It is good. Cue 1: much flag waving, shouts of “Go Timmy!” and dancing in the Home Counties. But no. The linesman thinks he has erred. He reverses the decision. The ball is out. The umpire upholds the call. The game can continue.

But only once Henman has looked up towards the BBC commentary box where former failed British players Chris Bailey and John Lloyd (a man who sounds like Cliff Richard eating a sock) are sat.

With the benefit of years on the tennis circuit, an esoteric knowledge of the game and TV replays, the pair, allegedly, signal to Tim that the ball was good.

Cue 2: Henman’s hissy fit. He demands to see the match supervisors. The supervisor says he cannot help. “Are you saying they [the commentators] are lying to me?” Henman asks.

The response is not given, but whatever it was Henman goes on to lose the call and the match.

Next week, Henman asks the BBC team if he looks best in his white or white and blue shorts and is shocked by their response…

Posted: 19th, June 2006 | In: Uncategorized Comment | TrackBack | Permalink