Anorak News | A Smallpox On Britain

A Smallpox On Britain

by | 19th, June 2006

EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.

Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…


“False trails and Keystone Cops raids. Is humiliating our security services the latest Al Qaeda weapon?” – Well, better than bombs, Melanie Philips


“Sorry Mr Reid, when our streets are no-go zones and our legal system protects thugs we’ve every damn right to moan” – Francis Gilbert moans at Home Secretary John Reid

“Top Gear glorifies speed and aggressive driving’” – The Department of Transport’s Respect on the Road report disapproves of Jeremy Clarkson


“We must live on other planets or be wiped out, says [Stephen] Hawking” – Luckily Mail readers already do

“HOW COULD I DO THIS TO MY BOYS?” As a nurse Jayne Phillips should have known better. But with the debate about childhood obesity raging, she admits, with utter honesty, how she nearly killed her sons by lavishing so much food on them they could hardly stand up” – Or run away from mummy dearest

“Rubbish tax’ would turn countryside into a dumping ground’” – So says retired clergy man, the Reverend Alfred Ridley, who might or might no be an expert on rubbish


“DNA for smallpox virus available on the Internet” – and there were Mail reader thinking you could only buy Viagra

“I grow more fearful that devolution will lead to the break-up of the UK” – Welcome to Daily Mail Island

“Hospitals may close to solve cash crisis, warns NHS chief” – So says Sir Ian Caruthers, head of the health service

“Cheap parasols that are putting babies in danger” – They don’t keep the sun’s ray’s off


“Is living on the moon REALLY a lunatic idea” – Not much atmosphere, but then no hoodies, asylum seekers, Big Brother, fizzy bear, Australians…

“Allow too many people in, and the joy of being British is lessened for everyone – black, brown, gentile and Jew alike” – And let’s not forget whites (like the article’s author, Tom Utley)

“Now everyone’s got a get out of jail free card, except the law-abiding” – Well, they wouldn’t need one

“GPs ‘have no confidence in NHS reforms”” – So says Dr Hamish Meldrum, “a leading doctor”

“How ‘boring’ playgrounds drive children to anger” – David Yearly, of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents, says no fun at the swings means children go looking for danger

“Who did we think we were kidding – Soup plates as land mines, opera glasses to spot the enemy and golf clubs for rifles. A new book reveals how a brave but almost comically unready Britain prepared for repel the Nazi invasion” – Good job we also had lots of real guns and America


“Why every home in Britain should have a Taser gun” – So says David Davies, Toy MP for Monmouth. Well, a jot of electricity will teach canvasers to knock on our door uninvited

Posted: 19th, June 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink