Some (Optic) Nerve

“BIG BRO LEA IS SECRET ALKY,” screams the front page of the Star and we are shocked.

Lea drinks a bottle of “cheap” vodka every day. But – get this – any talk of her addiction has been airbrushed out of the show.

Incredible as it seems, viewers are not getting the full picture of life in the house.

Of course, this is no big news. The show is heavily edited.

Editing is what makes Glyn look even slightly interesting? Editing enables us to hear Mikey actually speak. Editing has helped make this house the bitchiest ever.

And editing has cured Lea of her alcohol problem. Says a source: “During the show Lea has been talking about how she drinks a bottle of Tesco home brand vodka a day – and even proudly announced it cost only £4.74 a bottle.”

But this confession has never been broadcast. It has joined all those other bits of Lea on the cutting room floor.

But there is a problem with this news. If Lea is an “alky”, as the Star puts it with a rare sensitivity, where is she getting the booze from?

Does she have a stash of vodka under her bed? Are her breasts full of the stuff, her nipples acting as optics – right nipple for neat vodka, left nipple for more vodka with a twist of lemon?

And if so, where does she keep the mixers?

Posted: 30th, June 2006 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink