Anorak News | Chest Nutter

Chest Nutter

by | 11th, July 2006

SO great a footballer is French captain Zinedine Zidane that even his fouls are better than anyone else’s.

While Wayne Rooney warms his metatarsal in the groin of a Portuguese player and David Beckham flicks a leg out in petulant anger, Zidane headbutts his opponent in the chest.

For any young players wishing to emulate their hero in the playground, the Mirror has two educational shots of the man going about his business.

See as Zidane approaches Italy’s Marco Materazzi with purpose. Gasp as he smacks into his chest.

And to go with the movements, there is a script.

Zidane: (In Italian) Stop pulling my shirt.
Materazzi: Shut up f*****, you only deserve what you get.
Zidane: Yeah, sure…
Materazzi: All of you deserve that f*****g Muslims, terrorist b******s.

Of course, as is the way with football, players dreaming of stardom and greatness will be keen to add their own twist to the scene.

Any player enacting the role of the Italian might like to say, “You’re the son of a terrorist whore”, as the Sun’s front page has him saying. And for added authenticity, you may care to give Zidane’s nipple a tweak.

Budding Materazzis should then say: “It is absolutely not true that I called Zidane a terrorist.” And get their dad (Guiseppe) to tell the world that his boy told him he was provoked.

Of course the truth will out. And Alain Miglaccio, Zinade’s agent, tells the Mail that what was said will be made public in the next week.

By which time Zidane will have be elevated from the great to the legendary, and a million young footballers will be pushing their tonsures into the chest of each and every passing Italian…

Posted: 11th, July 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink